This site is a collection of insights from the inward journey of one man.
From pain and sadness of a wounded little boy, into dark systems of coping and becoming the abuser, to the moment he realized he had it all wrong.
“I’m not called to be a man of words, but rather a man of my word.”
– Ryan

I was caught texting a female co-worker trying to arrange a happy hour after work. That was the moment that trajectory of my life changed. Up to that point, I was firmly convinced that I could successfully lead a double life – on the one hand, church-going worship-team father and husband who’s heartfelt aspirations for ministry were clear – and a closet sex addict since the age of 12 and a past of multiple physical and emotional affairs.
This moment was certainly pivotal, but by no means final – it began a journey of discovery that eventually brought more pain and sadness to those around me and ultimately led me to some of the darkest and saddest moments of my life. Seeing myself for who I really was in that moment, I realized that in order to truly change and find freedom, I had to fully embrace my brokenness and own the pain, and all of the effects of the pain that I caused – whether intended or unintended.
So why this website? Why now? Why should anyone listen to what I have to say?
The answer to that question might be different depending on where you are in your journey. For the man who has recognized that his sexuality is broken, this site can serve for an encouragement and direction – for each man’s journey is unique. I am not a man with an agenda other than a desire to see other men find the redemptive grace of God through their own brokenness.
For me, it has to do with something that God showed me in that pivotal moment I found grace when I saw who I really was: that I am not called to be a “man of words” but rather a “man of my word”. The subtle difference in statements is everything and sums up my life to this point: to stop seeking validation and acceptance from the things that I do, and to recognize my value is in who I am, and that the integrity of a man is defined not by what he says, but by what he does.
Photo by Jachan DeVol on Unsplash